Mar 23, 2001 LA VERKIN, UT
Early this afternoon, Gus Fredrickson of La Verkin, Utah, announced that he has artificial intelligence. "I discovered it last month when I bluffed my way through a job interview at the diner," Gus told reporters. "I answered every question so well that they hired me. Now, I don't know about you, but that's gotta be artificial intelligence, 'cause I'm just not that smart."

The announcement was met with skepticism by computer scientists, who plan to administer a Turing Test, the test generally recognized as the best method of judging the authenticity of artificial intelligence, or "AI". Gus, appearing remarkably unshaken by the attacks from the "braniac nay-sayers", responded, "I can understand that they don't want to accept it. I mean hey, I leapfrogged literally years of their research. I'd be defensive too in their place. I mean, sometimes I feel like I've got cold fusion going on right in my brain."