News You Can't Use
Utah Man Claims To Have Artificial Intelligence
Mar 23, 2001 LA VERKIN, UT
Early this afternoon, Gus Fredrickson of La Verkin, Utah, announced that he has artificial intelligence. "I discovered it last month when I bluffed my way through a job interview at the diner," Gus told reporters. "I answered every question so well that they hired me. Now, I don't know about you, but that's gotta be artificial intelligence, 'cause I'm just not that smart."
The announcement was met with skepticism by computer scientists, who plan to administer a Turing Test, the test generally recognized as the best method of judging the authenticity of artificial intelligence, or "AI". Gus, appearing remarkably unshaken by the attacks from the "braniac nay-sayers", responded, "I can understand that they don't want to accept it. I mean hey, I leapfrogged literally years of their research. I'd be defensive too in their place. I mean, sometimes I feel like I've got cold fusion going on right in my brain."
Rumplin Gillman, a computer science teacher and AI researcher at the Manocotti Institute of Technology made perhaps the most devastating case against Fredrickson's claims. "This charlatan didn't even know what a Turing Test was, and it required no less than forty-five minutes to explain it to him. He failed the test even before he took it. He may have an artificial hairpiece, but he certainly doesn't have any artificial intelligence beneath it."